At one point of my life I was afforded the opportunity to spend four years abroad on the beautiful island of Okinawa. This subtropical strech of island is full of culture, history and adventure. It was here I crossed paths with a Peruvian man named Robert who frequented a church I was attending for the past two years. Robert was born in Peru but moved to Okinawa when his family returned for work. Robert was in his late 50's, spoke three languages well (functional English only), walked two hours to go to church, didn't own a vehicle and was homeless. I would often bring Robert canned goods and toiletries like many other church members and offer him a ride to a shelter he stayed 45 minutes away. Conversation with him were sometimes difficult due to my terrible Spanish, almost non existent Japaneese and his not so great English. My wife would sometimes speak to him in spanish and translate, but when she wasn't around we would find ourselves speaking a few words at a time and often repeating what we said. Every once in a while we would share a joke that we would both understand and laugh together. One Sunday after church Robert approached me and said "I cut your grass and you pay me," moving his hands like he's pushing a lawn mower. "Twenty dollars" he said. My yard was due for a cut but I thought twenty dollars would be taking advantage of Robert because he had no idea how large my yard was. I said "sure Robert, when would be a good time to pick you up?" Robert said "after here." I really had nothing planned for that Sunday afternoon so I agreed and after church we got into my car and headed to my house.
On the way there he had mentioned it was his birthday and he was turning 58. I was surprised because at the time I had no idea how old Robert was and he didn't look to be that old. Once we arrived to my house I went and retrieved the lawn mower out my shed, gased it up and turned it over to Robert. Robert started the mower, smiled, and began pushing the lawn mower down the middle of my yard. Well, what I didn't know was that not only was Robert terrible at speaking English but Robert was considerably worse at cutting grass. Not to make fun but, Robert had no strategy or technique what so ever to mowing a yard and I wondered if he ever mowed a lawn before. He was just randomly wandering the yard as if he was working through a maze. I thought it to be entertaining and laughed to myself and went inside to talk to my wife. I had an idea that we could take Robert out for his birthday. Maybe pick up some fresh clothes, underwear, socks and things like that and take him somewhere for dinner. My wife thought it to be a great idea and she agreed. After many trips outside to check on Robert and bringing him a few bottles of water, I told Robert to only work until he got tired. I didn't want Robert to over exhaust himself in the Okinawa heat so I asked him to have a seat on the porch in a shaded area. I asked him "Robert, would you mind us taking you out for dinner for your birthday?" Robert made a motion with his hands that clearly expressed "how can I go out like this?" I tried to explain "Robert Jess, my wife will go to the store and get some clothes for you to wear and you can shower in one of our bathrooms". Robert smiled and nodded his head. Once Robert showered and changed into the cargo short, shirt and things my wife had picked up for him we went out to dinner. That night Robert enjoyed a seafood feast at Sams' by the Sea located in an area called Awase. It felt really good eating with Robert and watching him really enjoy himself. We ate seafood and had cake for dessert. Once we were done we took Robert home and I gave him the equivalent of $40 for the lawn and his birthday. Robert said thank you, gave me a firm hand shake and left. That night I felt good and I knew my wife and kids felt good as well.
After a few days I was talking to Scott, a friend of mine that attended to same church as me. I told Scott about Robert coming over and cutting my grass and I asked him what he thought about us as a mens ministry, looking for work for Robert. I explained how I thought it could help Robert get back on his feet. Scott began to tell me about a time when he and a few other people from the church arranged with a local Japanese businessman to interview and give Robert work. They asked Robert if he wanted to get a job and Robert didn't seem very interested in working but agreed to go to the interview. Scott explained that during the interview Robert wouldn't explain to the man what type of work he felt comfortable doing. So, the business man asked Roberto in Japanese "What type of work are you interested in?" Robert answered him "nothing, I don't do any work." When I heard this I was a little confused as to why someone would purposefully bomb an interview. The next time I saw Robert was a week and a half later and he wanted to cut my grass again. I agreed to pick him up on the following Saturday and he can cut my grass. But, this time I will give him some instruction on how I would like the grass to be cut and I will pay him $30 dollars. Robert did a much better job and he began cutting my grass just about every week for the next few weeks. One day I ask Robert after pulling into the driveway of the shelter he was staying, "Robert, how would you like to make some money cutting grass?" Robert looked at me and said "I don't know what your talking about." I began to explain to him "If you would like, I can pick you up on Saturdays, you can use my lawn mower, I will drive you around to other houses of people I know and you can cut their grass for money. What do you think? In a very rude and annoyed tone Robert said "I don't know what your talking about, cutting grass, don't talk to me talk to someone else." He then added "next time you come pick me up, bring laundry detergent and five dollars!" He then exited my car. I wasn't sure how to take that and thought it to be rude. I wasn't sure of why he got so annoyed and what his intensions were with speaking to me that way.
A few days later I ran into my pastor, and shared with him what I had experienced with Robert. I went and explained the whole story and how I was only trying to help him out and get him back on his feet. After hearing what I had to say, Pastor Price paused and asked "Do you think you were being selfish in your intensions?" I was not expecting that at all. I asked myself not as a question but more as a statement, "how could I be selfish trying to help someone else do better." He responded with "Did you ever ask Roberto what he wanted help with?" I said "no". Pastor said "then you made the decision of what was best for Roberto without ever asking him what he wanted. You never asked Roberto what you could help him with and you just assumed he wanted a job. Maybe he just wanted a friend, or someone to talk to." He explained that sometimes people are content where they are or their perspective of success is different from ours. If you truly want to help someone don't do it with what you think is best for them. That's their decision to make, next time ask. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to listen. As for Robert, He eventually stopped coming to the church and began going to another one and I eventually left Japan. I always will remember him because he probably helped me more than I helped him.